


The moment that's past

by lunchbuddy



Category: Broadchurch
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-24 10:56:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12011262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunchbuddy/pseuds/lunchbuddy
Summary: One telling of the moment the Maggie and Jocelyn shared 15 years ago.  Star gazing on the the cliff top.





	The moment that's past

Things were different between them now then they were. Even as the walked the cliff path that began behind Jocelyn’s house. A path they walked most of the weekends that Jocelyn came down from London. It was Kate who had said something about the change between first. It was the day after Maggie’s birthday party they were laying in bed together. Kate had turned to her “You’ve never looked at me with the same delight I saw on your face when Jocelyn came in last night.” Maggie knew it was true when Kate said it. They both knew it was over then. Maggie regretted only that Kate had seen it before her, that she had put Kate in the position of having to cause her own heartbreak. 

That was four months past now. And nothing had been said by Maggie or Jocelyn. Not nothing. Maggie had told Jocelyn that she and Kate had split when they had spoken on the phone that week. And their letters, walks, and dinners were filled with conversation and if anything the frequency of their communication and intensity of their connection had built. And now the air between them was weighted with the fear, hope and attraction. 

Maggie knew she had given her heart away. But she didn’t know how Jocelyn felt. Relationships were the one topic that had always felt off-limits in their conversations. Telling Jocelyn that she and Kate were no longer together was the first time their conversation felt stilted between them. And honestly, Maggie didn’t know if Jocelyn had dated anyone, male or female, because she had never said. Maggie knew the pressure to conform in a profession where being a woman was an aggression to the norm. It may be a new millennium but they were not young women and she too bore scars from fighting for one’s place against in a profession designed for men’s successes. And yet she thought that the kinetic energy that fizzed between them was more than just her own hope. 

They walked along the cliff path, arm in arm. Maggie carried the small torch to light their steps, since the sun had set well over two hours ago. As they walked they talked about a book they had both loved and just received a rather brutal review in the Guardian. Jocelyn stopped them when they reached the spot she had in mind. They laid out the blanket they had brought about a foot from the cliff drop. They laid out on their backs, and stared at the star speckled sky, with the crash of the waves below echoing off the tall walls of the bluff at high tide. Jocelyn always had the feeling that she was floating on air when she laid like this, the sea so far below and only the sky above her. 

Minutes passed. Jocelyn’s eyes fixed on the stars above, Maggie watched tension and concern slip off Jocelyn’s face. All the things that Jocelyn fought to hold up or push away were lifted, suspended, layin Jocelyn out bare and beautiful next to her. Maggie felt tears slip from her eyes, and turned to face the stars, joining Jocelyn, floating in air. Jocelyn’s hand found Maggie’s in the space between them. She laced their fingers together joining them to one another. Now they are airborne together, floating between the waves and the stars, a space Jocelyn has only traveled alone. Twenty minutes passed, then thirty, then more. 

Jocelyn rolled on her side her face taking the place of the stars above Maggie. Maggie pushed her hand into Jocelyn hair holding it back from her face to she see it in the moon’s light. Maggie’s eyes never left Jocelyn’s. She watched as Jocelyn’s eyes sparkled as they moved across her face resting for long moments on her eyes, her cheeks and then longest on her lips. Maggie waited their faces inches apart now. And then she watched as everything she’d seen slip off Jocelyn earlier returned. Fear shadowing her eyes where they had just been lit bright. Jocelny pulled away abruptly hitting the ground as she moved as fast as she could to sit up, her arms wrapping around her knees insulating her. 

“Up please” Maggie said after a few minutes, “It is late and I know how you are without sleep, and I for one want to have a pleasant day on the boat tomorrow.” She offered Jocelyn her hand, and a reassuring smile. Remorse shone in Jocelyn’s eyes, but she didn’t speak only nodded. They folded the blanket and walked back to Jocelyn’s house in silence. At the back door to the house Maggie paused as she gave Jocelyn the blanket, and pressed a kiss into Jocelyn’s cheek. Turning she walked back to the path heading to her flat in town. “See you at 11. And don’t forget you promised me lunch too.” 

Maggie looked up at the stars once she made it to the door of her flat. She knew now Jocelyn loved her, wanted her. It was what shone on her face before it was covered by the fear. What she couldn't look away from in Jocelyn’s eyes. Before the and strain, the self regulation and emotional control shaded her face. It was there. Jocelyn loved her and she loved Jocelyn.

Jocelyn lay in bed staring at the ceiling but all she saw was Maggie's face. Maggie's face waiting for her kiss. The kiss she didn't give her. Tears streamed down her face. She berated herself for being so afraid. To being so close to love to happiness and not being strong enough to do anything about it. She berated herself because it wasn't only herself she was hurting but Maggie too. Maggie loves her. Tonight she'd looked at Maggie’s love spread across her face and she'd rejected that love. She was supposed to be strong then. What is wrong with me she thought that I am so afraid of letting someone love me. Maggie would have loved me. Compartments she said aloud. Forcing her mind blank she fell into a restless sleep. 

Jocelyn would make the walk to the cliff’s edge once every time she came home. She'd close her eyes and wait until she felt herself lifted then she'd open the box playing the memory in her mind. She'd look into Maggie's face offering her love and kiss the memory.


End file.
